I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
