My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
