Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize
