I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
