My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
