time to smoke my breakfast
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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