Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
