I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
