I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
