You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
