I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
