woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
