she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
