I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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