turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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