The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
