Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
