it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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