You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
