I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
