I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
