Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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