How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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