You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
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