I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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