They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
