youre lurking in front of me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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