you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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