Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
