is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
