i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
