as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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