I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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