I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This house was built for laser tag.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
