Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
