A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Randomize
