he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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