i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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