Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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