..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
