Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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