Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
