I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
