take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
