No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
