this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
