Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
