just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
