I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Mom said you looked used
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
