I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
