Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
