I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
