I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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