I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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