I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
