Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
