Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
