Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
