party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
NoShamevember. You game?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
