there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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