So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
