dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize