you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
