my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
