Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
