so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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