The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
