I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
