i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
