i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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