Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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